


4/13 Snow Fight

by GapToothedGhoul



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dream Bubbles (Homestuck), Gen, Happy 4/13! (Homestuck), Snowball Fight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:08:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23610589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GapToothedGhoul/pseuds/GapToothedGhoul
Summary: John wakes up on the day of his birthday, except he didn't really he just woke up in a dream bubble when he slept the day before. He decides to have a snowfight then, with all of the beta humans + beta trolls + alpha humans.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Eridan Ampora/Sollux Captor, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam
Comments: 5
Kudos: 23





	4/13 Snow Fight

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, so I'm?? not a writer?? at all?? and i think this is very bad???? but i really like homestuck, and i had this idea, and i wanted to show my appreciation for these characters and w/e so i made this fic to celebrate. i literally only made this account to post this for myself. i will probably touch it??? never again.
> 
> so happy 4/13! happy birthday John Egbert. ily

John woke up that day with a toothy smile already chipped into his face. Who could blame him? It was his birthday! At some point he’d grown to resent it, what with being on that golden ship for three years. But now that they’d finished the game, the momentous holiday granted to one upon their birth had once again become a source of magical delight for John. 

It sounds dumb but he only just fell asleep last night because he was so hyped for it; Not only was the day special unconditionally, but also because it was the day they’d played the game and met their troll friends, and their own relatives who are also their friends, and--

Wait a minute. 

The heir’s nose wrinkled as he studied the walls of his room. It looked different, it looked like…

Like he remembered it looking three years ago. Ugh. 

Dream bubble.

John was still kneading the bridge of his nose as the room shifted to its (from John’s point of view) original state, with harlequin graffiti scribbled over the walls in angry ink. He was still struggling to deal with the false alarm unwantedly curbing his anticipation, but when he looked out of the window all annoyance melted into the cold air.

The particular memory John’s brain blurted out to be the setting of the dream bubble was of a snow day. 

He found his smile returning again. With newfound anticipation he shoved his hands into his pockets and made his way out of his house and into the cloak of white. It wasn’t long before he caught sight of a familiar face in the midst of that white; a stubby troll lumbering towards him with confusion drawn on his face, burgundy cape and arms flailing behind him.

JOHN: hey karkat! 

He waved as the troll neared him.

JOHN: guess what? 

KARKAT: EGBERT, I THOUGHT I’D MADE IT CLEAR DURING THE MASSIVE FUCKING TRAVESTY OF TIME I’VE KNOWN ANY EQUALLY DENSE VERSION OF YOU THAT I COULD NOT GIVE ANY LESS OF A SHIT WHAT. PLEASE SPARE MY THINK PAN THE UNFORTUNATE STRAIN OF WONDERING WHAT THE FUCK YOU’RE ON ABOUT. 

JOHN: it’s my birthday! 

KARKAT: OH. WELL HAPPY WRIGGLING DAY I GUESS. IS THIS WHITE GARBAGE DISGRACING MY LOOKSTUBS FROM SOME DEPRESSING GRUBHOOD MEMORY YOU LIKE TO CODDLE YOURSELF WITH AT NIGHT AS YOU CRY YOURSELF INTO THIS SHITTY DREAM BUBBLE?

JOHN: yup! and it’s called snow

KARKAT: OF COURSE YOUR PATHETIC MADE-UP HUMAN LANGUAGE HAS A WORD FOR THIS CRAP.

JOHN: all languages are made up. and this isn’t crap. don’t you have snow on alternia?

KARKAT: THE ONLY THING THAT RAINS DOWN FROM THE LARGE VOLUPTUOUS BOSOMS OF OUR ALTERNIAN ATMOSPHERE IS HELLFIRE.

JOHN: uh, ok. i guess that’s another reason why you don’t go outside then.

KARKAT: YEP. 

JOHN: well this is a lot more fun! let me show you.

John scooped up a handful of snow and carefully sculpted it into a ball in his hands. Then he tossed it at Karkat.

KARKAT: HEY! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?

The troll grabbed a fist of snow to throw at John in retaliation but he just about missed him, a wisp of blue cloth darting down the driveway, giggling and encouraging Karkat to chase him. He pursued John for only a few minutes before he was panting and balancing himself on his knees. His attempt to catch his breath was cut short however, by the dull impact of a snowball crushing into his god tier cape.

KARKAT: HOW… THE HELL… IS THAT… FUN?

JOHN: it would be if you didn’t su

John yelped and stumbled back as a snowball hit him in the torso, courtesy of one shouty goblin still heaving for air.

JOHN: ok now i see why you might not think it’s fun.

KARKAT: NO YOU WERE RIGHT THE FIRST TIME JOHN, FOR WHAT ITS WORTH YOUR STUPID GAME MADE FOR HUMAN PUPAS WHO STRUGGLE TO KEEP THEIR POROUS CRANIAL PLATES SUSPENDED OFF THE GROUND FOR MORE THAN HALF A SECOND IS NOT NEARLY AS INSUFFERABLE AS YOU ARE.

JOHN: aw thanks karkat! i hate you too :)

KARKAT: YOU DON'T KNOW THE MEANING OF THE WORD.

KARKAT: SO 

KARKAT: WANNA CONTINUE THROWING WHITE STUFF AT EACH OTHER'S FACES?

JOHN: i dont know, it might get boring with just the two of us having a snowball fight.

KARKAT: WE COULD FIND MORE PEOPLE TO PLAY WITH US. ITS NOT LIKE ALL OF THESE DEAD ITERATIONS OF US AND OUR FRIENDS HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO DO.

JOHN: ok! you can go talk to the trolls and ill find the rest of the humans.

KARKAT: UGH CAN WE NOT GET ALL OF THEM THOUGH, I WANT THIS GAME TO FINISH QUICK AND NOT A SWEEP AFTER MY IDIOT DANCESTOR FINALLY FINISHES LECTURING ME ABOUT ALL THE OPPRESSIVE FLAVOURS OF GRUBSAUCE HE HAD TO EAT ON BEFORUS.

JOHN: oh no dont get any of those guys theyre weird.

The two split off from each other to seek out more players. Turns out Karkat was right about their dead selves having nothing to do, as both boys were able to recruit an iteration of each of their friends (except for Gamzee for refrigerator-related reasons). John had even managed to bring along his and his human friends’ ancestors- Karkat didn’t mind however, as he considered them a lot saner and more manageable than the troll ones. Soon there was a group of nineteen trolls and humans standing in John’s driveway, chattering and shivering.

ERIDAN: so wwhat do wwe have the honour a standin in front a your hive for

JOHN: oh are you okay? You seem cold

SOLLUX: That’s just his dumb quirk dipshit. He talks like hes g0t his t0ngue stuck t0 a fr0zen metal pipe.

ERIDAN: look wwhos talkin.

SOLLUX: y0ure the 0ne wh0s talking. Its y0u. it didnt st0p being y0u. Thats n0t s0mething that st0pped being a thing 0r anything.

SOLLUX: w0w. I cann0t imagine what that w0uldve s0unded like with a lisp.

ERIDAN: finally youre agreein wwith the vvoice a reason

SOLLUX: Shut it fishd0uche

JOHN: wow maybe karkat shouldnt have brought both of you here. if one of you wants to leave thats fine with me.

ARADIA: no, dont worry, it’ll be fine! this is going to be fun!

ARADIA: whatever it is.

KANAYA: Yes John, Maybe You Should Explain What It Is You Gathered Us All Here For. Happy Wriggling Day, By The Way.

JOHN: thank you kanaya! and me and karkat brought all of you here to play a game.

ROSE: Might it possibly have something to do with the snow?

JOHN: yup. 

JOHN: but

JOHN: i dont know. it doesnt look like all of us are here. wheres callie?

CALLIOPE: here!

John turned to face Calliope and found that instead of milky white eyes his familiar skull monster friend had two large, green irises .

JOHN: callie! and not a dead one!

CALLIOPE: yUp! 

JOHN: so does that mean we’re passing through a dream bubble? id hate to have left out all of our trolls and humans for a bunch of dead ones.

SOLLUX: w0w. 

ERIDAN: wwoww. 

JOHN: oops.

CALLIOPE: i do not think we are passing throUgh a dream bUbble physically, it is simply a fortUnate coincidence that the both of Us ended Up in the same bUbble while we were sleeping. ^U^ so no, oUr “real” friends will not be joining Us. U.U

JOHN: thats alright really, i think i shouldve learnt by now that there isnt really a “real” version of anyone

JOHN: gosh now that everybody is here i dont really know what to do!

Vriska: I can help john ;;;;)

KARKAT: JEGUS GRIST.

JOHN: thank you vriska, that would be great!

Vriska offered John a smirk that wasn’t as reassuring as it could've been and scrambled onto his dad’s car, in a manner that would’ve made her less intimidating if she wasn’t who she was.

VRISKA: Ok every8ody, time's up!!!!!!!!

VRISKA: Wrap up your convers8tions. Our tactical meeting is officially in order!

JOHN: wait, tactical meeting?

VRISKA: Yes, john, you heard me right.

JOHN: but i just bought everyone here for a snowball fight!

VRISKA: Exactly, a fight!!!!!!!!

JOHN: not that kind of fight!!!!!!!!

KARKAT: WAY TO BLOW SHIT OUT OF PROPORTION VRISKA, JUST LIKE ALWAYS.

VRISKA: Sorry karkat 8ut not everyone wants to lie around and m8ke out in the snow with the quadrant m8s they dont have l8ke you do, so please out of respect for everyone here let me organise this so it does8nt a8solutely suck!

VRISKA: Anyways, l8ke i was saying before i was so rudely interrupt8d

VRISKA: We’re taking this shit seriously people!

VRISKA: First order of 8usiness is splitting this herd of 8aa8easts into teams. Sollux?

SOLLUX:

SOLLUX:

SOLLUX: /sigh

SOLLUX: 0k, just f0r the sake of simpliscity

SOLLUX: We’re splitting int0 tw0 teams.

TEREZI: H3H3H3 >:D MR 4PPL3B3RRY BL4ST.

ERIDAN: wwhat team is sol

VRISKA: yours

ERIDAN: fuck

VRISKA: Everyone is on the same teams as we were during the g8me. Do we all remem8er those?

All the trolls nodded.

VRISKA: Now all that's left is our human pals! 

VRISKA: there's a red team and a 8lue team. On the red team we have me, Terezi, Tavros, Kanaya and karkat.

VRISKA: On the 8lue team we have sollux, eridan, feferi, equius, nepeta and aradia.

VRISKA: So! T8ke your pick 

JOHN: i think we should try to keep this simple. So, Prospit dreamers, we can join the red team. And everyone from Derse can join the blue team :)

JANE: That’s fine :B

JAKE: Sounds splendid! 

VRISKA: And calliope can join our team and replace gamzee. Gr8 idea john! This is why you and I were chosen to be leaders ::::)

KARKAT: I SWEAR TO GOG. I’M AT MY FUCKING BREAKING POINT.

He was.

KARKAT: DAVE NO

KARKAT: STOP PAPPING ME

KARKAT: LOOK ITS FINE I DONT ACTUALLY CARE

KARKAT: CAN WE JUST GET ON WITH THIS STUPID GAME?

VRISKA: I'm glad you asked!

VRISKA: So, we’re having a snow8all fight. I'm sure it's o8vious what the o8jective is. Red team vs 8lue team, three str8kes and you're out. Powers arent allowed.

KARKAT: YES THEY ARE.

VRISKA: I’m trying to give us all an equal chance here, Karkat!

KARKAT: IT WONT BE EQUAL BECAUSE YOULL JUST CHEAT ANYWAYS, SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL MAKE POWERS ALLOWED SO WE KNOW WHEN YOURE BACKSTABBING US.

VRISKA: Ok fiiiiiiiine, powers are allowed. 8ut no dou8le killing anyone! We’re playing this g8me to cele8r8 john’s 8irthd8y, not settle old feuds or whatever.

VRISKA: You have 8 seconds of immun8ty to get somewhere without dying as soon as the g8me b8gins. Hows that for a head start?

VRISKA: Are we all ready?

John surveyed his team and the next. It was almost like everyone was preparing for battle: he could see trolls and humans with their feet dug into the ground, elbows bent and back arched ready to sprint at a moment's notice. Their faces were equally tense: John could see them scrunched up in focus, most of his friends with their eyebrows drawn together ready to charge and people like Kanaya with smug malice-filled grins ready to tear the opposition in two. They all chorused a bunch of scattered “yes”es and “ready”s as prompted by Vriska’s question.

VRISKA: Well then.

VRISKA: On your marks.

VRISKA: G8 s8........

VRISKA: GO!!!!!!!!

It was almost instant. John turned into breath just as Vriska gave them the go-ahead, drifting over the players and spectating as everybody darted away from the centre like their lives depended on it. He couldn't see Roxy, she must've turned into void. But everyone else was moving across the bubble, around his house, across the street. They were all taking this surprisingly seriously-- maybe after playing a game that their entire civilisations depended on they were trained to throw themselves into even snowball fights. 

As they’d gotten past the head start snowballs began to get thrown. Vriska and Nepeta went for it first, Vriska flinging snowballs like pellets with her metal arm at Equius and Nepeta pouncing on Terezi with two throws, then three, getting her out. Vriska managed to get two hits on him and two more on Nepeta who covered him as they attempted to escape. The attempt failed however, as the cerulean blood placed her fingers to her temple and froze them in place long enough to pelt each of them with another snowball. They were out.

The opposing teams were no longer in range of each other so John decided to sweep through the area and spy on other players more thoroughly. He kept an eye on his team first: Vriska and Terezi were standing on his rooftop and surveying the site for players to hunt down. John appeared for the sake of saying hello.

JOHN: hi you two!

VRISKA: Heeeeeeeey John!

TEREZI: H3LLO JOHN >:] 

JOHN: so what are you doing?

TEREZI: P1CK1NG OFF LOS3RS

VRISKA: Hunting pr8y!

JOHN: wait Terezi arent you meant to be out?

TEREZI: W3LL OBV1OUSLY 1M CH34T1NG, GLOB3S-F0R-BR41NS.

JOHN: hm

JOHN: and i wonder who put you up to that

TEREZI: 1 DONT K1SS 4ND T3LL

TEREZI: (H3H3H3)

VRISKA: ;;;;)

JOHN: well it doesnt matter, youre not doing it anymore

TEREZI: WH4T >:O!!!!!!!!????????

TEREZI: YOU C4NT D3C1D3 TH4T >:[

JOHN: birthday boy rules, terezi.

JOHN: birthday boy rules.

TEREZI: F11111111N3

JOHN: i appreciate it 

JOHN: well have fun and keep up the good work!

TEREZI: W41T JOHN, DO YOU KNOW WH4T TH3 G4M3 PL4N 1S?

Uh.

VRISKA: Yes good Ter8zi, tell him the plan!

TEREZI: T34M R3D 1S HOLD1NG DOWN TH3 FORT >:]

VRISKA: If you want you should use your powers to 8ttack the oppos8tion 8 their loc8tion.

VRISKA: In fact I encour8ge it!

VRISKA: This is just the general g8me plan ::::)

JOHN: oh ok! ill see. 

JOHN: maybe you should too terezi. hehe.

TEREZI: >:[

Before Terezi could formulate a response John turned into the wind, drifting elsewhere to see the rest of his teammates. Jade, Jane and Calliope had crouched together behind John’s dad’s car, with Jade creating snowballs ahead of time to have at hand when interacting with the blue team, Jane with her Skaia War Fork and Callie with majjycks. He didn’t see how those weapons would benefit the other two at all but he was glad that they were having fun playing this game! 

And further down from a different vantage point he could see Jake and Tavros sitting together as well, though they seemed to be in communication with someone else. He appeared just to wave at Jake and disappeared as he received a salute in return, searching for his remaining team mates. 

He found Kanaya and Karkat crouching behind some bushes, Karkat brandishing his sickles. John guessed that the troll probably thought he could cut through any snowballs headed his way. He almost laughed out loud-- Karkat is just so funny sometimes-- but managed to keep quiet for the sake of keeping them undiscovered. He also found out who Jake was in communication with by observing the shorter of the two trolls yell into his wrist-mounted crab walkie-talkie.

KARKAT: OH MY GOG JUST WAIT FOR SOMEONE TO COME AND AMBUSH THEM WITH A SHIT-FLINGING WHIRLWIND OF WHITE FECAL MATTER ITS NOT HARD TO UNDERSTAND JAKE

KARKAT: WHAT EXACTLY ISNT GETTING THROUGH YOUR DECOMPOSING MARCHBUG-ADDLED HUMAN SPONGE PAN

KARKAT: DO I NEED TO CROUCH DOWN WITH MY LEG NUBS ON THE GROUND LIKE IM IN THE MIDDLE OF DARK CARNIVAL JUGGALO WORSHIP AND

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT EVEN SUPPOSED TO MEAN

KARKAT: WHAT DISCERNIBLE MEANING DOES THE RABID FROTH EXPELLED FROM THE LOAD GAPER GRANTED TO YOUR BEING UPON YOUR SLIME CREATION HAVE IN ANY LANGUAGE EXISTING IN THE FAR REACHES OF PARADOX SPACE’S NOOK

KARKAT: ARE YOU LAUGHING

KARKAT: STOP THANKING ME FOR CHEERING YOU UP IM NOT TRYING TO FUCKING CHEER YOU UP

JOHN: hey karkat!

KARKAT: SHUT UP JAKE

KARKAT: I MEAN JOHN

KARKAT: YOU TWO ARE ALMOST INDISTINGUISHABLE OBNOXIOUSNESS WISE.

KANAYA: What Karkat Means To Say Is Hello

KARKAT: YES THAT TOO 

JOHN: well hello to you too!

JOHN: so what are you two doing?

KARKAT: NOT MUCH SURPRISINGLY. IT LOOKS LIKE DAVE ISNT CLUCKBEAST SHITSUCKING DUMB ENOUGH TO GO LOOKING FOR A FIGHT

KARKAT: WAIT WHAT I MEAN THE *BLUE TEAM*

KARKAT: I DONT KNOW WHY I SAID DAVE

JOHN: okay

JOHN: i mean, whatever

JOHN: but okay.

KARKAT: WAIT WHAT DO YOU MEAN

KARKAT: DO YOU KNOW SOMETHING JOHN

JOHN: oh well i mean, not about the game

JOHN: but about you and him in general

JOHN: well, the alpha timeline you and him.

KARKAT: 

KARKAT: WELL I TAKE IT BACK, YOU TWO *ARE* INDISTINGUISHABLE OBNOXIOUSNESS WISE

KARKAT: WAIT SHIT 

KARKAT: DO YOU HEAR SOMETHING?

The three, even karkat, ceased conversation to strain their ears . A faint crushing noise like snow underneath shoes sounded in reply and just as a bolt of light appears after the crack of thunder, a flaming lavender flash sprung snow at them from behind the bush. A snowball hit each of them, and before Rose’s needles could fling another wave at John he’d disappeared, leaving Karkat and Kanaya to take a second hit each as they scrambled in opposite directions. 

Karkat dived for the snow to strike a blow against Dave but alas, his clumsiness in combat caught up to him for a second time and he stumbled into the ground, leaving himself open for a third snowball to the nubs.

KARKAT: DAVE YOU FESTERING TUB OF GRUB SLIME

DAVE: game over, karkat

DAVE: were doing this. were making this hapen.

DAVE: give me one reason why i should spare you.

Karkat opened his mouth to respond but felt an unbelievably cold handful of snow crash into his face before he could make his case.

KARKAT: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK 

KARKAT: WHY DID YOU GIVE ME THE NOOK-SCRUBBING OPTION TO GIVE YOU A REASON YOU RANCID, SHIT-STUFFING POOL OF MOTHERGRUB SPHINCTER PHLEGM

DAVE: kitkat are you gonna like

DAVE: accept your defeat

DAVE: do your vocal cords get a work out from these shitfests you throw is that why you do it

DAVE: look my point is 

DAVE: you cant do anything anymore. youre out.

KARKAT: I MAY BE OUT BUT I CAN STILL DO THIS

DAVE: do wha

Dave yelped as his feet were dragged out from under him, accompanied by an embarrassingly loud grating laugh from Karkat he heard ring through the bitingly cold air. It was impossible not to hear it really, everything Karkat did was loud, and he especially felt its volume as it bounced around in his head once he was lying down on the ground, groaning. The laugh seemed to stop in response to the sounds he made.

KARKAT: DAVE ARE YOU OKAY?

DAVE: ugh

KARKAT: OH MY GOG DAVE

DAVE: ughhhh

KARKAT: DAVE CAN YOU AT LEAST TRY TO SQUELCH YOUR SHOUT SPHINCTERS IN A METHOD THAT FORMULATES ACTUAL SPEECH

DAVE: ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

KARKAT: DAVE

DAVE: ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

KARKAT: OKAY NOT THAT THIS NUB-CHAFING VESTIGIAL SWILL WAS FUNNY BEFORE BUT ITS DEFINITELY NOT FUNNY ANYMORE

DAVE: ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

DAVE: hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

DAVE: no karkat. i feel my end may be nigh

DAVE: you have to come closer

KARKAT: UH OKAY

DAVE: closer than that

KARKAT: YEAH IM FUCKING CLOSE DAVE

DAVE: no closer than that damn. You gotta be hella magnificent shit close, like a cattle all trotting up to you like youre a pile of grass, looking like a snack all besmirching and etheral and shit like that cow wouldnt fucking believe

KARKAT: OH MY GOG YOU SHITSQUIRTING GLOBE-BRAINED POOL OF SLURRY FINE AS LONG AS YOU STOP THAT WRIGGLING MAGGOT IN YOUR SPONGE FROM DICTATING WHAT COMES OUT OF YOUR MOUTH.

KARKAT: THERE

KARKAT: AM I CLOSE ENOUGH 

DAVE: yes karkat

DAVE: yes youre close enough

Karkat’s reply was cut off yet again another handful of snow pushed into his face and his unexpectedly open mouth. Dave was the one chuckling this time as Karkat did an acrobatic pirouette off the handle, wiping his tongue over his sleeve at least a dozen times and making gagging noises over literal frozen water. He collapsed in defeat next to the Knight Of Time, grumbling and crossing his arms with his back to the snow.

DAVE: im okay karkat

DAVE: thank you for asking

KARKAT: YOURE WELCOME 

DAVE: B)

KARKAT: (:B

Kanaya had a different response. Before Rose could attempt another attack Kanaya had scooped up a ball of snow and lopped it at her, then another, administering attack after attack and sending Rose off balance. And just as she tried to get her bearings Kanaya leapt into her and tackled her onto the ground, launching flecks of white into the air. Rose was gasping, needle wands knocked out of reach and hair in disarray.

KANAYA: I Pray My Method Of Attack Didn’t Inflict Injury On You? I Know Humans Have A More Fragile Countenance Than Trolls

ROSE: No, Kanaya, I’m not hurt. Thank you for asking.

KANAYA: Was That Sarcasm And You're Not Really Thankful 

ROSE: You know it.

Rose beamed at her, huffing.

ROSE: I am quite cold now so I would appreciate it if you were to allow me to get up.

KANAYA: As Well As Allow You To Administer Me With A Third Snowball? 

ROSE: I suppose not.

ROSE: But I promise I won't do that, for what that's worth. I don't take this game as seriously as it seems.

KANAYA: I Have Seen You Tear Up Your Session And Descend Into Madness For Less Reason Than A Snowball Fight.

KANAYA: So Forgive Me For Being Hesitant

ROSE: Yes, I see your point.

ROSE: And you did try to stop me then. 

ROSE: Even if it didn't work, which is why I’ve ended up here.

ROSE: Or more appropriately, why this version of me ended up here.

ROSE: What I mean to say is, completely unsarcastically and without a trace of irony, thank you for looking out for me Kanaya.

ROSE: You're one of the few who did.

ROSE: I love you.

KANAYA: I Love You Too

KANAYA: But You Realise Your Grand Display Of Emotions Just Now, Even If They Are As Authentic As You Claim

KANAYA: And I Believe They Are

KANAYA: Will Not Make Me Get Off Of You?

Kanaya giggled at Rose muttering underneath her. The seer didn’t have to bask in misfortune for long however, as she saw a figure begin to loom from behind Kanaya. She turned to counteract it but even with her brisk troll speed, it only helped her meet the snowball pelting her in the torso. She groaned. She sighed. But she was out.

Dave pulled his sister up off the ground.

ROSE: I thought you didn’t care about the game?

DAVE: i dont

DAVE: but i decided to make an exception since you were getting your plum purple pajama panties all in a twist about it

ROSE: Fine, you’re right. I am taking this too seriously.

DAVE: well i wouldn’t say *too*

DAVE: we’ve been dead for a wicked ridiculous amount of time, shit’s like a practically ancient fucking MTV ad break.

DAVE: its about time you found something to get your gothic laptop cozie all tangled up over

DAVE: if anything i just think im the one who needs to stop doing shit

ROSE: I agree

ROSE: So does that mean I won’t have my brother kicking sick flips and throwing snowballs at a bunch of unsuspecting trolls for the remainder of this game?

DAVE: well if i see anyone from the other team ill still be throwing some downright egregious nasty batch of snowballs their way like im a tennis ball thrower on ten cups of coffee

DAVE: all fucking being forced by my shitty boss to work overtime trying to stay awake like crazy

DAVE: but other than that i think i’ll just chill here with Karkat

DAVE: you know, just being bros

ROSE: Okay.

ROSE: As in, whatever, but okay.

DAVE: rose hold up what are you saying

ROSE: It’s nothing. Just continue enjoying your hang out session with your bro, Dave.

DAVE: damn goth sisters and their snarky horseshit

Rose snickered and left the amateur rapper to talk to, or rather at, his best bro. She stooped down to collect her magic needles when she heard Kanaya clear her throat.

KANAYA: Uh Rose

KANAYA: If I May 

ROSE: You can come with me Kanaya.

KANAYA: Thank You

KANAYA: I Didn’t Want To Disrupt What Looked Like A Heartfelt Hanging Session Between Two Good Bros Ha Ha

KARKAT: OH MY NUBCHAFING DOUCHEWRIGGLER

KARKAT: IS THIS GOING TO BE SOME SHITWEASLING LEITMOTIF WHERE A BUNCH OF IDIOTS CRAWL OVER TO ME WITH FROTHING MOUTHS

KARKAT: OPENING THEIR ASS WIDE SHOUT SPHINCTERS OVERFLOWING WITH GRUBSLIME AND OFFERING THEM TO ME LIKE IM HEAD PRIEST OF THE SHITRUMPUS CLOWNFUCK PARADE

DAVE: karkles bro

DAVE: just lie down in the snow

KARKAT: JEGUS DICKSHITTING GRIST

KARKAT: IF I DONT IM GOING TO HAVE MY EARS DEBAUCHED BY WHATEVER INCOMPREHENSIBLY BRAINDEAD CROTCHSLIME WILL TUMBLE OUT OF THE DICKMONGERING NOOKPIT IN YOUR STUPIDLY HANDSOME HUMAN FACE SO I GUESS I DONT HAVE A FUCKING CHOICE 

KARKAT: GOOD CALL KANAYA YOU REALLY SAVED YOURSELF THIS BULGEFONDLING DICK FESTIVAL OF AN EXPERIENCE

KANAYA: I Really Did 

John saw Rose’s gaze finely focused on the starting point, her knuckles turning white from the grip she held over her magic needles. He decided this would be a good time to appear. She didn’t even get to react before John rocketed a snowball at her and Dave and after receiving a hit from the latter he disappeared once again, his lips peeled over his buck toothed grin. He’d gotten Rose out.

ROSE: Ugh.

DAVE: so much for kicking sick flips and throwing snowballs at unsuspecting trolls

ROSE: Well, I can’t say I’m too bothered by this.

KANAYA: Really Rose?

ROSE: …

ROSE: Okay maybe I’m a little bothered.

ROSE: But hey

ROSE: The snow is very pretty, don’t you think so Kanaya?

KANAYA: Yes It Is

ROSE: Would my troll matesprit care to join me for a walk?

KANAYA: Of Course, I’d Never Miss The Opportunity To Indulge My Human Girlfriend’s Grandiose Schemes 

They shot each other a smile and linked arms, walking in sync and away from the two knights. 

John was now flying high near the top of the bubble, looking down at the ground from a bird’s eye view. Admittedly he cared less about playing the game and more about spectating what each of his friends were doing, as if he were watching a football tournament in 4D. As far as he could see everyone was a bunch of tiny dots clumped up in little pairs or groups of three, save for one little dot with a purple cape flitting from behind it. John dove down to see what that was about.

JOHN: hey! What ar

A surprisingly potent snowball, which could have easily been his third snowball, rocketed past him by a few feet.

JOHN: you don’t need to throw another one!

JOHN: i’m not trying to get you out

JOHN: okay, I just said you don’t

JOHN: hey!

John sighed and knocked the cape-wearer (who he could now see was a moody looking troll) backwards with a wave of wind, landing him in a tangle of his own violet cape.

ERIDAN: ugh

ERIDAN: wwell congrats, you’vve bested me

ERIDAN: just put me outta my misery and hit me wwith my last snowwball

JOHN: I’M!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JOHN: NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!

JOHN: TRYING!!!!!!!!!!!

JOHN: TO!!!!!!!!!!

JOHN: GET!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JOHN: YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JOHN: OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ERIDAN: oh

ERIDAN: you shoulda said that before i started throwwing snowwballs at you

John sighed and rubbed at his forehead with a finger and a thumb.

JOHN: what are you doing on your own? shouldnt you be with the rest of your team?

ERIDAN: wwell i wwould be if they didnt hate me

JOHN: oh come on im sure its not that bad

ERIDAN: i killed them in my timeline

JOHN: oh

ERIDAN: wwell its complicated

ERIDAN: i didnt wwant to do it, exactly

ERIDAN: by wwhich i mean i wwasnt in the right frame a mind

ERIDAN: an most of it wwas in selfdefence

ERIDAN: an i feel pretty bad about it

ERIDAN: but i guess my feelins arent really the point here

JOHN: mhm..............................

ERIDAN: ok i dont knoww wwhy i started talkin about that thats not evven the point im tryin to make 

ERIDAN: because evven with all my reasonin i dont think any a these alt vversions experienced those things

ERIDAN: my point is evven disregardin all that mess im still a massivve douche

ERIDAN: an evveryone still hated me evven before wwe got into the game

ERIDAN: evveryone still hated me after the game too actually i wwas still a douche then

ERIDAN: reely there wwas one person wwho could stand me an i fucked up any chance a being wwith her

ERIDAN: evven being fronds wwith her 

ERIDAN: actually she revvoked my fish pun license so i cant reely say any of those anymore

ERIDAN: i mean *really, fuck

JOHN: mhm

JOHN: havent you been dead for like four years

ERIDAN: wwhats your point

JOHN: you should be over all this! come on, youre not even alive anymore!

ERIDAN: tell that to sol

JOHN: who

ERIDAN: sollux

JOHN: who

ERIDAN: the lowwblood wwith the twwo eyepatches

JOHN: oh that guy

JOHN: i forgot his name, theres so many of you

ERIDAN: this is stupid

ERIDAN: i dont evven know wwhy i decided to join this snowwball fight wwhen nobody evven wwants me on their team

JOHN: augh

JOHN: dude

JOHN: just turn the self pity down a few notches

JOHN: look this is still my birthday, and its still my game, and everybody should be having fun playing it!

ERIDAN: wwell if you wwant to go around tryin to get them to bask in my regal presence than be my guest

ERIDAN: but it aint gonna wwork

JOHN: bet

John grabbed the seadweller by the cape and dragged him off the ground and behind him as he set off into the snow, the troll flailing his arms about.

ERIDAN: WWHAT THE GLUB

ERIDAN: I MEAN *FUCK SHIT 

ERIDAN: ok at least tell me wwhere wwere going?!

JOHN: we’re looking for the rest of your team

JOHN: and youre gonna hang out with them and stop being a mopey fish guy!

ERIDAN: ugh

ERIDAN: wwhatevver

ERIDAN: dont say i didnt wwarn you

The two kept walking (or rather John did, dragging a less resistant Eridan behind him) until they were prompted to stop by the sound of movement echoing around that area of the bubble. John didn’t get very far before he spotted a flurry of white snow, roused by seemingly nothing, heading his way... to which he responded by dumping Eridan on the ground.

ERIDAN: hey!

JOHN: sorry! I'm trying to make it past the ten player mark before i

JOHN: ah

JOHN: dammit

ARADIA: OuO 

ARADIA: sorry

ARADIA: well not really since im on your opposing team!

ARADIA: but sorry :(

JOHN: its okay

JOHN: wheres the rest of your team?

ARADIA: well sollux was going to arrive right abooout

ARADIA: now!

Yet another flurry of snowballs, this time accompanied by bolts of red and blue, jetted onto John and Eridan.

JOHN: what the hell!? im out!

ERIDAN: an im on your team you stinkin sack a brinesuckin chum

SOLLUX: n0t s0rry d0uchebag

SOLLUX: and just s0 y0u kn0w im n0t interested in picking a fight with y0ur stupid fish ass in the afterlife s0 take your fins and beat it 

John butted in before Eridan could formulate a response, fortunately, because what John was going to try to do wouldn’t work if the seadwelling troll got a word in.

JOHN: hey sollux?

SOLLUX: what

JOHN: we met on the pirate ship remember?

SOLLUX: i kn0w wh0 y0u are idi0t

ARADIA: sollux :( its his wriggling day

SOLLUX: i kn0w wh0 y0u are idi0t, happy wriggling day.

ARADIA: :(

SOLLUX: jeez AA im j0king

SOLLUX: fine, im s0rry. What d0 you want

JOHN: weell eridan here seemed pretty lonely on his own so i was wondering

SOLLUX: please st0p talking

JOHN: what? come on! you’ve been dead for like four years!

SOLLUX: and i still remember what a d0uchebag he was

ERIDAN: cod i hate howw you twwo are talkin about me like i aint here. first of all you pipin wwindsock i dont need nobody to defend me like im some sea grub wwho doesnt knoww any better, tryin to get a bunch of people wwho dont wwant me to pick me up outta pity

SOLLUX: y0ure saying s0mething that finally makes sense? I didn’t kn0w you had it in you Amp0ra. 

SOLLUX: surprised y0u havent started jackin it t0 the hem0spectrum yet

ERIDAN: wwell since wwere all ghosts i dont think any of us evven havve blood so

SOLLUX: is that the reas0n?

JOHN: hey!

JOHN: i know all of us have bones to pick with some of eachother but that isnt important right now! cant you do this some other time? When youre not in the middle of a snowball fight? you heard vriska!

ARADIA: (O_O) 

JOHN: besides its not like hes done anything to this version of you besides just being an asshole

SOLLUX: he has

SOLLUX: im from his timeline

ERIDAN: shit

SOLLUX: y0u killed her.

ERIDAN: im sorry alright

SOLLUX: fighting me, killing me was 0kay

SOLLUX: that was just run 0f the mill bullshit i had to deal with fr0m y0u

SOLLUX: but y0u hurt FF

ERIDAN: i knoww i did an cod im sorry

ERIDAN: i didnt mean to you knoww shes the only one a you that i reely cared about

SOLLUX: d0nt d0 the fucking fish pun thing

ERIDAN: look i can explain myself all day but i knoww you dont wwanna listen

ERIDAN: just knoww that i regret wwhat happened alright

ERIDAN: im not that much of an asshole not to

They lapsed into silence, and John watched Eridan let out a breath and Sollux clench and unclench his fists, his head turned to face the snow even though he couldn’t see it. The nature of time in dream bubbles made it seem even longer than it was.

JOHN: so youll let him play with you for the rest of the game?

Sollux didn’t break the icey silence, never saying anything but never objecting either. John took this as a yes and threw a glance at the remaining members of the blue team. Dirk, Roxy and Feferi were sitting a good distance across from Eridan, Sollux and Aradia but not paying them any mind. Instead they were chatting amongst each other, Feferi and Roxy especially in animated conversation while Dirk was playing with snow. Dammit, he had to say hi.

JOHN: hi guys!

He was instantly pelted with a wave of snowballs.

JOHN: i guess i shouldve seen that coming

DIRK: Sup.

ROXY: hi johny!

FEFERI: )(--EY! 38D

JOHN: what are we doing here?

DIRK: Snow fighting.

JOHN: haha

JOHN: okay now answer the question seriously

ROXY: Feffy and I here were just talking abt boys 

ROXY: for the lulz ofc

ROXY: Apparently there’s a troll who is a wizard omggg how cool is that

ROXY: ilwsm (i love wizards so much)

FEFERI: )(-E)(-E w)(ale )(e says )(e isnt a wizard but )(e wears a cape and )(as a magic wand so we all know t)(e trut)(!

FEFERI: )(e's just being a grumpy catfis)(

FEFERI: In our timeline it all worked out in t)(e end and )(e started wearing a wizard )(at!

FEFERI: )(e's still a grumpy catfish t)(oug)( 38P

JOHN: wait is that eridan? i just talked to him

JOHN: you can say hi if you want, hes right over there

ROXY: omgg omg omg!

JOHN: hes still grumpy though so be careful

ROXY: dw ive been friends with dirk for years

DIRK: What?

FEFERI: )(oly carp! solfis)( is t)(ere too! did i tell you )(ow muc)( )(e LOV---ES )(acking?

ROXY: :O

ROXY: :O

ROXY: :O

He watched Roxy drag Feferi and Dirk to the other group before morphing into his element and disappearing with his only remaining trace being a snicker. Time to finally check in on his own team. 

Vriska and Terezi were no longer sitting on the rooftop and had joined Jade, Jane and Callie, though this time they seemed to be much moodier and Vriska’s hair was wet. She seemed to only be yelling about some Megido player who John assumed might be Aradia and complaining about how the other team has all the good powers, that miserable soulless witch got her out on purpose, 8lah 8lah 8lah. Vriska at a loss is not something he wanted to deal with, even if Terezi was papping her like a dude on moirail island. John also found himself drifting to Tavros and Jake who hadn’t joined the group behind John’s car but were at a vantage point in sight.

He flew over to them but before he could even get a word in, another confrontation between the opposing teams began to occur in two groups: Jane, Callie vs Aradia, Sollux and Eridan and Jake and Tavros vs Dirk, Roxy and Feferi. 

Jane and Callie had thrown snowballs from their cover behind the car but the defence worked against them as well and meant that they couldn’t get many hits. They stepped out of their cover carefully, landing a hit on Sollux and Aradia. The two trolls were about to fire back hard but they suddenly ceased movement, seemingly in stupor. John noticed.

JOHN: vriska stop using your mind control!

VRISKA: you didnt mind me using it on D8ve to get him out!

JOHN: what? You did that?

JOHN: thats not my point. youre out! Go back behind the car.

VRISKA: >::::(

JOHN: uh

JOHN: please?

VRISKA: f8ne! Only 8ecause of our friendship, John. The things I do for my fri8nds. I dont want to hear any of you compl8in a8out me 8ver again!!!!!!!!

She stormed off but John hadn’t even thought he’d convince her in the first place, so the outrage was welcome. Nobody was attacking him as he was sure they all knew he was out anyways, so he had the pleasure of cheering others on and providing thrilling commentary as throw after throw was exchanged between the opposition, no blows landing. 

Aradia wasn’t relying on her telekinetic abilities much and lifted snow with her own hands, probably because she liked feeling it in between her fists. It didn’t help her teammate much though, as while she was busy giving Calliope her three snowballs Sollux received a second hit, courtesy of one heir to the Crocker throne, who was blocking all snowballs fired at her with the handle of her batterfork. He’d been able to defend himself from the other snowballs she attacked him with but Aradia hadn’t, and that got her out.

Meanwhile, the remaining members of the red team were defending themselves against the ambush from Feferi, Dirk and Roxy. Tavros wasn’t as good as the other players, his throws were far less charged, but even then he posed a significant threat and the three struggled to avoid hits from him. Paired with Jake, who knew his way around firing projectiles, the two were almost unbeatable if it weren’t for the opposition’s skill. Dirk and Roxy received a snowball, Dirk another before getting one Tavros Nitram out of the competition, and one Jake English soon followed him with cries of “egad!” and “dag nabbit!”.

Things were seeming grim for the red team- almost all of their players had been completely taken out.

JANE: Now, Jade!

And at that command Jade leapt out from behind the car and, with a flick of her two forefingers and thumbs, sent a huge flurry of snowballs raining over the players. John realised, as he saw Jade reigning vengeance over the blue team, that those snowballs were the very same ones she’d spent all that time behind the car carefully creating. And it paid off.

First, the blue team reacted in fear. Then panic, as they saw the cloud of snow descending over them and remembered that there's no place like the present to run away from a huge snownami. They had all bolted, the snow on their tail, threatening to get them out. Feferi got hit and fell to the ground, then received another hit. Sollux bolted towards her but got caught in the snow, taken out by two snowballs at once. Feferi’s third one however was blocked as a troll darted in front of her, taking more than enough hits himself even though the cape provided most of the coverage.

FEFERI: 38O

SOLLUX: w0w

SOLLUX: eridan,

ERIDAN: shut the fuck up you nasty fuckin shit stained guppy fuck ill gut you like the brine suckin toothless plague spawwn you are

FEFERI: >38O 

SOLLUX: jegus dickshitting grist are y0u seriously flipping the fuck 0ff right n0w 

SOLLUX: 0f c0urse y0u are y0u cant handle acting like a n0rmal assh0le instead of 0ne in fucking cybergrub hyperdrive f0r 0ne grubfucking m0ment you hipster fuck

FEFERI: 38/

ERIDAN: i dont need to hear any shit from you you double bubble trouble ass twwo tongued no-good fuckin grubito-cheese dust covvered chum pipe

FEFERI: 38I

Sollux bunched his fists up next by his side, claws threatening to burst through skin. Then he stormed over to Eridan, grabbed him by the scarf and pressed his face into the other’s, tumbling them down into the snow in a pile of limbs.

FEFERI: 38O

Meanwhile, the two remaining members aside from Feferi (Dirk and Roxy) had managed to pull away unscathed, and were waiting to reconvene with the remaining splinters of the group in a safer spot. After Feferi followed by Eridan and Sollux (though they were out) joined them, the team decided to hatch a plan.

DIRK: Okay, so the red team has got two players left: Jade and Jane, and we’re both down by a few snowballs. How do we do this? How do we make this hapen?

ROXY: 

ROXY: (are u askign me lol)

DIRK: Yes, Roxy. Come on, you’re a sick “haxxer”, I’ve seen what you’re capable of. Your input is valuable to me.

ROXY: aw

ROXY: dirky

ROXY: thats the nicest thing u ever said 2 me that ur socially awkward ass is capable of

ROXY: but i think we all know who the IRL haxxer is

ROXY: (as in u haxx real life)

ROXY: so i trust u 2 make battle plan decisions anyw!

FEFERI: T)(is isn't going to go anyw)(ere

ERIDAN: yeah

SOLLUX: yep

ROXY: ok look

ROXY: me and solly here

SOLLUX: is THAT my nickname 

SOLLUX: what the FUCK

ROXY: heeheehee 

ROXY: haxxer troll

ROXY: anyw

ROXY: weve combined our awesome haxxer skills together and haxxed into the opposing team’s communication and now were spying on them >:)

DIRK: Is it reliable?

SOLLUX: we’re getting like five rec0rdings fr0m jade s0 yeah it's pr0bably reliable

The crackle of static sounded from the device Sollux and Roxy were sharing between themselves and the rest of the group leaned closer to listen.

JADE: wow! I cant believe that worked!

JANE: Of course it did! Your space powers never cease to amaze me.

JADE: Thanks :)

JANE: You’re welcome :B

JANE: Pity that i lost my battle fork back, I’m not sure what I’ll do if I run into them.

JADE: are you down by any snowballs?

JANE: No.

JADE: so you should be able to defend yourself whenever you want!

JADE: i don’t think they’ll come back so soon though 

JADE: so we should be fine.

The conversation was quickly moving along in an unhelpful direction to the listeners. What they’d heard already hadn’t exactly been helpful to them either however.

FEFERI: As long as Jade is t)(ere we won't be able to get a )(it on any of t)(em. S)(es too powerful! 38( glub 

DIRK: That’s true. We’ll have to find a way to attack one without being attacked by the other. 

DIRK: Roxy, maybe your void powers can come into play here? 

ROXY: mayb they can :O 

ROXY: i could do a stealth attack with feffy on jadey, and then you can face off with janey? 

DIRK: That could work. Great plan. 

ROXY: :D 

DIRK: You’ll have to get the drop on her quick though. Remember she has that dog nose. 

ROXY: ofc 

DIRK: and to help me with jane we should add another part to the plan. 

Jade was now double dying of boredom. She didn’t bother to crouch behind the car anymore, there was no danger of getting jumped by opposing team members this far into the game. Boy, being a winner sure was lonely. Now she was tapping her foot as Jane was pulled away elsewhere, maybe inspecting her childhood house. No, she was talking to John now! The two of them deserve some bonding time anyways, though really John was actually distracting Jane on Dirk's command. This didn't occur to her yet though.

Jane’s nose pricked up, but that didn’t even register before she felt a hit. Then another, and she now saw Roxy and Feferi appear in front of her! She got a hit on Feferi, getting her out and another on Roxy but she was outmatched, her store of snowballs had run out, and Roxy had disappeared again.

Jane didn’t know what was up. The action registered before Jade had a chance to warn her, when she saw Dirk walking up to her, snowball in hand but standing ten feet away. She had a snowball in her hand too, and with her prime deductive skills she could tell what was happening. It was an old western fashioned showdown.

DIRK: Jane.

JANE: Dirk.

JANE: I’m surprised to see you come here like this but I guess you always did have a thing for the theatrical.

DIRK: Really? I’ve only ever watched Avatar and the SBAHJ movies. I would call them theatrical though.

JANE: Shush! We’re having a showdown at the moment and the only thing you can talk about are some movies?

DIRK: They’re timeless masterpieces, Jane. I have an elite, nuanced taste in the fine arts and I demand my exceptional hankering of awesome movies be recognised.

JANE: It is recognised.

JANE: Recognised as SHITTY!

DIRK: Man.

DIRK: I was gonna go easy on you. 

DIRK: But this slander is unacceptable.

Jane raised her hand in the air and threw her snowball at Dirk, who got hit but didn’t fire his. He held his arms up into the air.

DIRK: Now Roxy!

And Roxy jumped, no, acrobatically pirouette-ed from behind Dirk and onto his arms, perched on his hands by her waist and began doing her voidy thing. She fired snowballs out of nowhere at Jane who was knocked back into the snow by the force of them as they cascaded from Roxy’s hands. 

Jane groaned from where she was in the snow, being outer than out, so far out it wasn’t even cool anymore, and Dirk set down a giggling and bouncy Roxy on the ground, though not really because the Rogue Of Void could barely keep her toes to the floor for one moment. Cries of “We won! We did it” from solely Roxy erupted through the bubble, and John and all the players in the vicinity crowded around her to congratulate her and gripe.

John didn’t get to say much however because just then he woke up, energy from adventuring in dream bubbles not lost. He found his friends all crowded in his room and around his bed, cheering ‘surprise’ and ‘happy birthday’ at him mere moments after he just sat up. He looked around at their faces- Karkat, Terezi, Rose, Dave, Jade, Calliope, Jane, Jake, Roxy and Dirk- and remembered just how excited he was for this day and why. If it weren’t for the thirteenth of April, John would have never met these fantastic people, never had all the adventures he did with them. That was something he’d never want to miss.

He grinned at his friends, and got up to look outside the window at the soft, falling flakes of snow on the glass.


End file.
